Enraged by hidden baggage fees? Want to know what your flight really costs before you’re forced to pay $20 or more to check your luggage?
Now there’s an app for that.
Farelogix has launched a smartphone app called IFlyBags. It lets you calculate baggage fees from 325 airlines around the world, based on the class of service and your frequent flyer status.
For $0.99 USD, you can buy the app on iTunes and download to your mobile phone. Yep, you read that correctly: you pay a fee to find out how many fees you’ll be charged. God bless, capitalism. Also: this is an introductory fee to get you hooked. Its eventual price will be twice as much.
I’m interested in sparkly new things. Plus I’d rather buy a baggage fee app instead of an app that turns my friends’ faces into zombies (at least, I think so… some of my friends are jerks). So I downloaded IFlyBags to my iPhone.
Here’s what happened:
Step 1) I enter my credit card information, and instantly feel buyer’s remorse. I look in mirror and ask self, “Wouldn’t I be happier if I bought another fart app?”
Step 2: I instantly vow to use the IFlyBags app ALL DAY, EVERY DAY to make me forget that I’m paying a fee to find out baggage fees that are posted for free on airlines’ web sites.
Step 3: I’m planning to fly the red-eye to NYC next week, so I enter ‘JFK’, ‘Cathay Pacific’, and ‘economy class’.
Step 4: The IFlyBags app shoots me a text that reads, “Thanks for the cash, sucker! J” Actually, that’s not true at all. Instead, they broke into Cathay’s international headquarters by leaping the laser fence, knocking out the security guards with a nerve gas, outrunning the vicious guard dogs, and then used a dead man’s fingertip to fool the fingerprint scanners and turn off the security alarms.
Step 5: Then the app pries open Cathay’s coiled-steel bank vault that contains their TOP SECRET BAGGAGE ALLOWANCE FEE INFO that’s available for free on Cathay’s website.
Step 6: The app graciously informs me that Cathay’s luggage policy = ‘2 FREE BAGS ALLOWED’ and tells me that pets can fly to NYC, too, for $200+ USD per beast.
Step 7: I nod in appreciation and then go on Facebook to brag about my handy new app
Step 8: Feel like a chump when a buddy points out that the IFlyBags.com website (which debuted last October) offers this exact same baggage calculation service for free. D’oh!
How about you? Will you pay to download the IFlyBags app or would you rather turn your friends into zombies?
— Ken Hegan