You’ve heard of the prestigious St. Regis Hotel New York, right?

Built in 1904 by millionaire John Jacob Astor IV (the Titanic’s richest and most famous victim) , the St. Regis bills itself as a “legendary landmark” with a “refined atmosphere” and “residential elegance.” Picture a frescoed ceiling, elaborate marble staircase, and butlers in white ties and black tailcoats.

In layman’s terms, it’s pretty swank, i.e. the total opposite of Honey Boo Boo. I’m going to go out out on a limb here and say that the St. Regis doesn’t ‘redneckognize’.

Located in the Upper East Side of Manhattan at Two East 55th Ave (off Fifth Ave), the St. Regis is a 5-star luxury hotel for the 1% of us with money to burn. Picture “silk wall coverings and antiques personalize spacious accommodations while butlers provide unsurpassed service.” Classy movies are filmed here. Royals and wealthy celebrities hide out here.

Suite at St Regis

The Presidential Suite at the St. Regis costs like a zillion dollars a night (if you have to ask how much cashish, you can’t afford it) and features a marble foyer, panelled library, three bedrooms, and 4.5 bathrooms spread over its sprawling, 3,430 square feet area. Plus they let you make free local phone calls. Woohoo!

Dior at St Regis

The St. Regis also offers three designer suites: the Dior Suite, the Tiffany Suite, and the Orient Suite, each with a fireplace, each with a view of Central Park, and each with their own “aesthetic and contemporary vision.” Rates are up to $9,500 (US) per night.

Soon the St. Regis will open a fourth theme suite at the same price point. And this one is designed after…a car.

This month, the St. Regis is teaming up with the British luxury automaker, Bentley Motors, to offer a new 1,700-square-foot room called the Bentley Suite. It’s inspired by exclusive, expensive, handmade Bentley cars. According to WWD.com (Women’s Wear Daily), the 15th-floor suite will be “outfitted with style points inspired by the high-end automaker such as black leather tile floors and a sleigh bed constructed of its signature burled wood.”

Now, the sleigh bed I fully understand…just as long as there’s a steering wheel for nights when I get the bed spins.

But black leather floors? That’s just weird.

There are only two uses for a hotel floor made of black leather: (1) a road hockey game where the goal is to slip, fall, and laugh your head off, and/or (2) snorting white powder.

But wait, there’s more. In addition to the auto-themed room details, Bentley Suite guests will have complimentary use of a new 2013 Bentley Mulsanne auto (plus a chauffeur). Not to drive around the hotel room, alas, but, hey, it’s located within “a 10-block radius” of the hotel.

Classic Manhattan, hey? They’re BRAGGING about a courtesy car parked half a mile away.

Still, it does look like a sweet ride. Here’s a picture of the Bentley Mulsanne speeding through an empty city —

Mulsanne6_6
— because apparently this Bentley driver can deploy a Neutron Bomb which kills people but leaves buildings intact.

Who wouldn’t want a car like that? I do. And it only costs $292,595 (US).

As for the Bentley Suite in the hotel, I’m not convinced I need a hotel room designed like a wayyyyy too humongous car interior. Feels like it’s reserved for small men with something to prove. I guess it’s a cool idea if you hate money and want to fling it away from you as quickly as possible.

Let’s face it: in this economy, many of us want someone to design the exact opposite. By that, I mean a car interior with all the comforts, pillows, and window shades of a cozy little New York hotel room.

Bathroom/bidet not included.

— Ken Hegan

Read all Ken’s stories here and follow him on Twitter: @KenHegan

Photos courtesy St. Regis New York and Bentley Motors

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