By Ken Hegan for MSN Travel

This is it: we’ve hit the lowest depths of winter.

In Vancouver this week, harsh icy weather has caused power outages and scared commuters by making a bus jackknife down Broadway. My convertible’s buried in snow [I know, right? Nothing could be sadder], and giant ice boulders plummeted from bridge cables to smash and shatter people’s windshields. Even worse, my dog is ruining schoolkids’ snow angels by hiding his filth in random snow drifts.

I need a private island getaway. Don’t you? Imagine your very own paradise. A secluded tropical island where you can be as loud, rude, and decadent as you want, make up strange private rituals, or simply rest barefoot on the warm sand and talk to a volleyball for months without shame.

Island hammock
An island paradise in Thailand. Photo: Rex Features

So I did some research and found 5 private tropical islands for sale. Now, many tropical islands are priced in the millions. But these 5 islands can be yours for less than $207,000 CDN. Enjoy your island!

5 amazing private islands for under $207,000

#5) Piaçabuçu Islands

Piacabucu Islands
Where: Brazil, South AmericaWhat: Undeveloped islands (six of them)

Size: 81.58 acres / 33.01 HA

Price: $81,971

According to this island realtor, the Piacabucu Island Group are six “river islands” in the middle of the 2 km-wide Sao Francisco river “where there are numerous islands, mostly inhabited.”

There are “no restrictions for foreign ownership” of these islands, but be warned that they’re “patrimony of the Union.” This means you can only buy the title for 99 years at a stretch (with an option to renew, if the owners decide you’re worthy). On the bright side, these islands are great for playing drunken hide-and-go-seek, especially if you like to stagger around your river island yelling “Piacabucu, I see youuuuu.”

#4) Kastawei Island

Kastawei Island

Where: Vanuatu, South Pacific

Location: South Santo

Non-developed island

Size: 0.81 Acres / 0.33 HA

Price: $205,183

Kastawei Island (I assume it’s pronounced Castaway) is described as a “picture-perfect tropical island, surrounded by white sand and a pristine reef…this symmetrical little gem comes with a fresh 75 year Commercial/Tourism lease and is perfectly suited to build your dream island home in the Pacific.”

The island’s just a 1.4 km boat ride (12 minutes by banana boat) from the mainland. Once you’ve unloaded all your bananas onto your island, you’ll enjoy fishing, swimming, diving, gazing at sunny green waters, and physically writing down braggy Facebook updates in case you ever get Internet access again.

#3) Frigate Caye

Frigate Caye

Where: Belize, Central America

Location: Turneffe Atoll

Size: 1.41 Acres / 0.57 HA

Price: $206,214

According to PrivateIslandsOnline.com, Frigate Caye offers “unbelievable fishing, snorkeling, kayaking, kite sailing and scuba on the atoll’s fringing reef.”

They further describe Frigate Caye as “perfect for a personal retreat or exclusive resort catering to small groups or honeymoon couples.” Judging by how incredibly private this island is, I’d say it’s also perfect for plotting coups and slowly going cuckoo crazypants from the tropical heat.

#2) Little Monkey Caye

Little Monkey Caye
Where: Monkey River, Belize

Size: 0.75 acres

Price: $54,302

Lush, green, and billed as the cheapest island in the entire Caribbean, Little Monkey Caye is located near the mouth of the Monkey River and “very close to Monkey River town where a ready and willing labor force [comprised entirely of industrious monkeys, I presume] is ready to help your development.” Yep, this could be your own island paradise but it’s undeveloped, so you’ll have to construct your own island palace.

WARNING: if the island does contain monkeys, they may be Howler Monkeys. They’re so loud, you could kill a man and get away with it if you time it at nighttime when these simians are whooping and wailing.

And just for fun, here’s a 1/4-acre island parcel that’s selling for under $67,000:

#1) Long Caye Island

Long Caye Island

Where: Belize, Central America

Location: Lighthouse Reef Atoll

Development: Resort / Business

Size: 0.20 Acres / 0.08 HA

Price: $66,917 CDN

Located near some of Belize’s most famous dive sites (Blue Hole and Half Moon Caye), “you’ll have no shortage of adventures after stepping out of the sterile modern world and into a new, simpler life in the tropics.”

When you buy this “gorgeous” island, you’ll also get a “charming recently-built cabin with every comfort of home” [it sleeps 8 and comes with a stereo and “high-velocity ceiling fans”], plus they’ll thrown in a “well maintained 1989 4-cyl Honda Accord” car that’s improbably billed as “roomy”.

There you go. Five cheap tropical islands. Pick your favourite, boat your cult members to your island today, and remember to leave everyone’s cares behind in the sterile modern world!

— Ken Hegan

Bing: What to bring to a private island

Read more of Ken’s MSN travel stories here  

Follow Ken on Twitter: @KenHegan

Photos courtesy Private Islands Online and Caribbean Island Brokers

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