By Ken Hegan for MSN Travel
Then you simply must hire a Social Media Butler to post all your Facebook, Instagram, and Twitter brags.
That’s right: an online butler.
The fancy-pants Madison Hotel in Washington, D.C. is offering a $47,000 ‘Inaugural Town and Country’ package for President Obama’s second big day (Monday January 21st) and the Madison will even give you a Twitter butler.
The Madison’s package includes:
- 4-nights in a Presidential Suite [this doesn’t mean you’re sharing a room with President Obama, far as I know]
- Private inauguration tour for you and 22 of your friends, including photo stops at the south side of the White House, East side of the Capitol, and memorials to Lincoln, the Korean War, the Vietnam War, and Arlington Cemetery, plus a visit to the John F. Kennedy gravesites [Wait, he has more than one gravesite?]
- A $5,000 shopping “experience” at Brooks Brothers “to perfect your town and country wardrobe”
- Personal town car and driver for your entire stay
Best of all, you’ll receive a ‘Dedicated Social Media Butler’ which is apparently a thing now. More specifically, it’s a woman named Victoria Devine who will “chronicle your Inaugural experience so your friends and family can follow your adventures on Twitter, Facebook, Instagram and Pinterest. The Social Media Butler will post on all of your accounts so you don’t have to fumble for your phone to catch that perfect Facebook profile picture!”
According to CNBC, “if you DO score tickets or a ball invitation, your Social Media Butler can tell everyone about it for you” and “if you happen to be gripping and grinning with the Partier-in-Chief you don’t have to reach for your iPhone.” Or you can leave your butler behind with ALL YOUR ACCOUNT INFORMATION, send her your photos, and she’ll upload them for you [I presume this woman is bonded, trustworthy, morally upstanding, and knows that she has to crop out That Awful Thing My Right Hand Does in Every Photo].
Now I know some of you are thinking, ‘Yet another sign of the coming apocalypse. Our generation is now so fat and slothful, we can’t be bothered to take our own photos, let alone post and share them.”
But think of the possibilities! When you hire a Social Media Butler, you can:
- Keep both hands free to wrestle would-be assassins to the ground. You’ll be an international hero!
- Let your online image butler fight your Twitter wars for you. So you can rise above it all and not worry about angry spelling errors. You’ll sleep like a happy baby in your Presidential Suite…and your butler can Tweet photos of that!
- Proudly see your Facebook timeline fill up with photos taken by somebody else at a distance that’s greater than arms-length. You won’t have to crop your arm out of every selfie shot, your nose will look smaller, your face won’t be distorted and shiny, and old high school chums will think you’ve made at least one new friend!
Is this just the start? In the great and glorious future, will we all quit bragging on Facebook and let our butlers do it for us?
— Ken Hegan
Read more of Ken’s MSN travel stories here
Follow Ken on Twitter: @KenHegan
Photo: Steve Cukrov