By Ken Hegan for MSN
Pack your bags because IKEA’s opening budget hotels across Europe.
The company’s real estate arm, IKEA.UL, is partnering with Marriott to launch an economy hotel chain called Moxy.
Travel tips for IKEA hotels:
1) Instead of a room key, you get a hexagonal wrench
2) You have to make your own bed
3) If you’re ordering room service, avoid their ‘Broncoballs’
According to Reuters, IKEA’s first Moxy hotel opens in Milan next year. Surprisingly, the Swedish retail giant claims they won’t fill the rooms with IKEA furniture. I find that incredibly hard to believe, especially since each of Moxy’s 183-square-foot rooms will be exactly the same and therefore dead simple to furnish with IKEA’s patented blend of white plastic and particle board.
Just don’t expect IKEA’s classic blue and yellow colour scheme. Moxy guests will see exciting “cream and brown furnishings,” plus USB ports, flat screen TVs, and wall art that reflects the local city. Cost of a night’s stay: 60 to 85 Euros ($80.28 to $113.74 CDN).
Online commenter Richard Schulman wryly notes that it “makes good horse-sense for IKEA to get into this business,” while Gustavo Lopez wrote “IKEA has proven that they’re not a one-trick pony, in fact they’re a very stable business.”
Horseplay aside, what can you expect from an IKEA hotel?
– Your room’s designed like a maze that makes you break up with your boyfriend because you badly need to pee but can’t find the bathroom.
– Shelves and closet organizers EVERYWHERE
– Everything in your room — furniture, art, appliances, and toilet — is for sale
– It’s not a ‘toilet’, it’s a Pötty
– Your Pötty comes with an instructional pamphlet featuring a helpful yet disgusting cartoon diagram
– Too busy or drunk to make it back to your IKEA hotel room? No problem. Call their 1-800 number and they’ll deliver your room to you.
– Well-dressed monkeys stay for free
Will you stay in an IKEA hotel if they expand their empire to North America?
— Ken Hegan
Read more of Ken’s travel stories here
Photos: AP Photo/Frank Augstein (IKEA sign); Lisa Lin / Rex Features (well-dressed monkey)