By Ken Hegan for MSN
Looking for a cute B&B near the Kennedy Space Center in Cocoa, Florida?
Why not book a room at this lovely bed and breakfast!
It’s called the Castle Alta Vista Hilltop Retreat and it’s located on a private hilltop overlooking Cape Canaveral. This relaxing retreat features a large swimming pool with fancy Roman statues, a pool slide, hot tub, sun deck, hammock deck, private river-view deck, king-sized beds, antique baby grand piano, air conditioning, cable TV, WiFi, and free parking.
Breakfast is included, you’re allowed to smoke, it’s handicap accessible, cats are welcome, plus there’s a pet macaw AND a pet African Grey Parrot. All for just $105 a night!
There are just a couple of hitches. No kids allowed and the swimming pool is clothing-optional because, well, the whole joint is a ‘naked hangout club’.
According to an Orlando TV newscast, the proprietors (Chip and Terry, below) are apparently hosting a gay nudist/sex retreat.
Guests typically come to stay for 3 nights. Day guests are more than welcome. But Chip and Terry’s neighbours aren’t impressed.
“This past month there’s been maybe over 300 cars across the street,” one neighbour said to WESH-TV news. Another neighbor — who refused to be identified — said she’s “heard men having sex.”
Granted, she said she couldn’t actually see the men having sex [and I imagine she looked pretty darn hard] but she did say she had “a problem with the noise.”
However, Chip and Terry could be in hot water with City Hall as they’re allegedly operating the B&B without a business license in this residential neighbourhood. Local authorities are currently investigating.
A B&B that double as a naked hangout club?
Four things come to mind:
1) This marks the first time, ever, that I’ve seen the words ‘naked’, ‘hangout’, and ‘club’ used together. It’s got a nice ring to it.
2) I can’t think of a better way [than naked in a hot tub] to watch rockets taking off from a launching pad
3) Just like Fight Club, I expect Naked Hangout Club has hard and fast rules like ‘Let someone else man the barbecue’, ‘Always make sure the slide is wet before use’, and ‘Never sit naked on a slotted wooden chair’.
4) I pity the poor sod who has to clean out the pool and hot tub filters
The (bare) bottom line: if you want to stay at a naked hangout club near the Kennedy Space Center, you should probably book it fast before it gets shut down. Meanwhile, if you’re a straight married man who’s accidentally booked a bed at the Castle Alta Vista Hilltop Retreat this week, hopefully your wife will be understanding.
Assuming you tell her about it when you get home.
— Ken Hegan
Read all Ken’s travel stories here
Photos courtesy the owners