FINALLY: I’ve announced my quest to become the World’s Greatest Hockey Player. Read the exciting first column.

Here’s a l’il teaser:

Everyone has a dream.

Some people dream of owning a beach bar in the Caribbean. Others want to cure Ebola. And still others dream of becoming deaf, blind, and mute.

Me, I’ve got a much harder quest:

I’ve decided to become the World’s Greatest Hockey Player.

Why not? The position’s vacant, which is great: it’s more satisfying to get a job if you don’t have to kill someone to take it over…

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